Story Synopsis: Narnia News Roundup

Tashlan a Scam?
Local Ape makes a Monkey out of a Donkey and an Ass of Himself
From the Daily Chronicles

Caldron Pool – Earlier this week, eyewitness accounts had rumors of Aslan the Great’s return sweeping over Narnia—and Shift, the notorious ape, had set himself up as Aslan’s “mouthpiece.” New evidence suggests, however, that there’s more to this story than meets the eye. Documents leaked to the Press demonstrate that the ape, Shift, may be in collusion with the Calormenes to promote the new myth that Tash and Aslan (or “Tashlan”) are one and the same.

Several days ago, Shift—who normally lives near Caldron Pool—suddenly claimed a new and remarkably close relationship with Aslan, who had been sighted near Lantern Waste. With the help of tradesmen from Calormen, Shift set up residence for the Great Lion at Stable Hill, where Aslan has since been making nocturnal appearances, with Shift speaking for Him. “It’s because I’m so wise,” says Shift, “that I’m the only one Aslan is ever going to speak to. He can’t be bothered talking to a lot of stupid animals.” At Shift’s insistence, many of our talking animals have been put to work assisting the Calormenes in the destruction of our friends, the trees and Dryads.

In a startling development, Shift next announced that the “old idea of us being right and the Calormenes being wrong is silly.” Tash, he says, is, “only another name for Aslan.” Ginger, the cat, and others of our people, have joined in supporting this strange alliance of Narnia and Calormen, in spite of Aslan’s apparent change since His last confirmed appearance.

Suspicion has recently surfaced among the dwarfs that this new Aslan was nothing more than some animal sewn up in a lion skin. This rumor has not been confirmed, but government surveillance photos from Caldron Pool show that Shift and his friend, Puzzle, the donkey, indeed recently came into possession of a full lion skin. Puzzle has not been seen in recent days. Unless Shift can produce both Puzzle and Tashlan simultaneously, we suspect something may be mucked up on Stable Hill.


Narnia’s King Reported Dead
Vacationing Monarch Loses Mind, Then Life, After Murderous Rampage
From the Calormen HotNews

Cair Paravel – King Tirian of Narnia, spending a holiday at his hunting lodge not far from the eastern end of Narnia’s Lantern Waste, was surprised to come upon talking beasts being used for manual labor by our fellow Calormenes, who have begun systematically chopping down Dryad trees for trade. Victims of a fit of rage, two of our innocent countrymen were murdered. Tirian and his accomplice were soon apprehended and bound to await trial. During the night, the culprits have disappeared, and are presumed dead.

The king was not alone in his madness; in addition to Jewel, the unicorn, who shared in the slaying of mere tradesmen, Tirian was known to be in league with Roonwit the centaur, who had gone on record asserting that Aslan’s reappearance had not been seen in the stars. Not long after Tirian’s misdeed, the centaur was himself slain while attempting to stir up dissension in the vicinity of Cair Paravel. A bloody police action was necessary to put down a riot later that day. Tirian and Jewel, meanwhile, claimed to have given themselves up voluntarily and sought court with Aslan, but were told that Aslan is not interested in seeing anyone personally. Witnesses at last night’s fireside congress at Stable Hill heard Tirian shouting down local officials’ assertions that “Aslan means neither less nor more than Tash.” The two culprits were then removed and bound at a distance.

Early this morning, the king’s bonds were found cut, but Shift the ape and Rishda Tarkaan report that the King was, indeed, granted audience with “Tashlan” and consumed whole. Reports of children seen with Narnia’s king are widely thought to be lies.

Cold, Hard Tash
Calormene God Makes Rare Appearance in Narnia
From The Narnia End-Times

Stable Hill – In the midst of unconfirmed and conflicting reports of Aslan the Great’s return to Narnia, and unprecedented claims for the existence of “Tashlan,” reliable witnesses are now reporting sightings of the Calormene god Tash.

In recent days, things have gone from bad to worse in Narnia. King Tirian has been deposed and is rumored to be dead. Cair Paravel has been laid waste, the majority of dwarfs have lost faith in Aslan’s very existence, and vast swaths of our forests have been decimated. Yet a new horror has come on the scene: amidst a putrid stench, moving shadow, and disheartening spiritual oppression, a vast four-armed vulture-headed figure has been seen storming through the forest, heading north toward Stable Hill.

But is all lost, we wonder? Rumors that Tirian is alive may just be true. During the night, Tirian’s friend Jewel, who had been held captive on trumped-up charges of murder, was also mysteriously freed; and once again a human boy and girl were reportedly accompanying him. Most significantly, Shift the ape has been unable to produce both Tashlan and his friend Puzzle simultaneously, thereby casting further suspicions on the ape’s dubious claims about who is inhabiting Stable Hill. Has Puzzle flown the coop, we wonder? And has Tash come to roost in his place? And where is the real Aslan in all of this?

Conspiracy Unmasked
Shift, Ginger, and Others Caught in Treasonous Pact with Invading Calormenes; Chaos Ensues
From the Daily Chronicles

Stable Hill – In what may prove to be the last battle for Narnia, King Tirian and his company last night confronted the traitorous ape, Shift, and his Calormene handlers at Stable Hill. A wild firelit battle ensued, and one by one, combatants from both sides were cast, or ran headlong into, an unknown fate in “Tashlan’s” Stable.

What truly lies inside that stable, we still do not know for certain. In an occurrence that has not happened since Narnia began, the first witness to the stable’s contents lost the gift of speech. After being mocked by now-faithless dwarfs, Shift the ape declared that Tashlan would make no more appearances; however, single courtiers could enter and meet with Him inside the stable. Ginger, the cat, a known supporter of the Tashlan regime, smugly volunteered to enter the stable and meet the hybrid god; but he exited yowling and as intranslatable as a common cat. Subsequently, at least one Calormene villain was thrown dead from the door of the stable.

King Tirian, meanwhile, who made his appearance during this charade accompanied by two heroes of Narnia-past (Jill Pole and Eustace Scrubb), brought with him irrefutable evidence of the conspiracy: the donkey, Puzzle, missing since rumors began to surface. Sources close to Tirian assure us that Puzzle, like Jewel, was, indeed, rescued from the stable, having been crudely sewn into a lion skin by the scheming Shift.

As Rishda Tarkaan and Shift began to lose control of the situation at Stable Hill, armed conflict broke out. Tirian, Jewel, Farsight the eagle, and all true Narnians withstood more than one assault from Calormene forces. Opportunistic dwarfs, with the exception of one Poggin, rallied to the cry “Dwarfs for the Dwarfs!” and actively slaughtered combatants from both sides. Most of Narnia’s talking horses were slain in the melee. One by one, the dwarfs were overcome by Calormene forces, and thrown into the stable as sacrifices to Tash. They joined the ape, Shift, hurled into the stable by Tirian as the battle began. Ruefully, Tirian’s early success in the battle could not be sustained as Calormene reinforcements arrived. One by one, his companions either fell or were captured. Eustace was the first to be captured and added to the list of human sacrifices to Tash. Jill followed Eustace not long after. Finally, Tirian fought Rishda Tarkaan himself, and forcefully took him to join the rest in the stable.

What is their fate? We do not yet know. After Tirian and Rishda disappeared, the battle soon died down. Both sides now uneasily await new developments during this brief lull in the fighting. Only one thing is clear: Aslan is not here, and never was. But everyone feels that the dawn will bring an end to this chapter of Narnia’s history, and maybe an end to Narnia itself.

News from the Other Side
Aslan Triumphant; Tash Banished; Narnia Reborn
From the Real Narnia News

The Western Mountains – In a series of wholly unexpected events, Aslan has made His final victorious appearance, and all that was ever wrong has been made right.

First, the mystery of Stable Hill is resolved. Both Tash and Aslan were to be found inside, and Tash took those who belonged to him. His evil task accomplished, he slunk away at Aslan’s command. The friends of Narnia, meanwhile—the High Kings Peter and Edmund, Queen Lucy, Digory Kirke, Polly Plummer, Queen Helen and King Frank—were called by Aslan to join Eustace and Jill in this glorious triumph: this new Land of Narnia, beyond the stable door.

In a curious twist of fate, the dwarfs who passed the stable door were taken neither by Tash nor by Aslan, but by a strange darkness. As Aslan noted, the “dwarfs chose cunning instead of belief. Their prison is only in their own minds.”

And as hard as it may be to believe, Aslan Himself opened the stable door on the Old Narnia, and brought it to a swift end. The spirits who were Narnia’s stars fell from the sky; Father Time snuffed the light from the sun and the moon; and every being that ever lived in Narnia came rushing to Aslan as He stood at the door and cold and darkness descended. Each one either passed into shadow, or was called “further up and further in” to the New Land—a new land for those who served Aslan in their hearts, whether they knew they did so or not. Among Aslan’s new subjects is numbered Emeth, the Calormene.

We have all journeyed through this New Narnia and beyond, in fellowship with the Heroes of Narnia, new and old, and have ascended the Western Mountains into circles of Narnia ever higher—beyond time, beyond history, and beyond death.